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[personal profile] sarahmichelef
The scene: our living room.  G (who is 5) and her mom K are about to leave after a couple hours' playdate that involved dressup ([profile] master_mr , please let your lovely wife know that the mermaid costume from almost 2 years ago still fits TRex, more or less), playing with the dollhouse, and lots of running around in the sprinkler outside.

K: OK, it's time to go home now.
G: I don't like you!  I'm going to push you away from me forEVER!*
K: If you're going to freak out, we're not going to be able to have another playdate.
G: I don't care!  I don't like you!  I'm going to run away from you!
K: Can you wait to freak out until we're in the car please?

Gratifying both because G clearly had a good time and because my kid is not the only one who freaks out at the drop of a hat.  Hilarious because G's objections were registered using EXACTLY THE SAME TONE AND INFLECTION that TRex uses when she informs us "I'm going to throw you in the trash can!" and similar things.

Date: 2009-06-15 02:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
See ... and I have an issue with the words that G used. Very cool that K stayed calm but I'm too old school to be okay with what G is saying.

Date: 2009-06-15 02:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
TRex uses very similar words... we just ignore the content because she's really just blowing off steam.

Date: 2009-06-15 02:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I just don't find that acceptable... there are many other ways of saying I'm pissed off at you and the situation.

Date: 2009-06-15 02:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It's a balance between ignoring the tantrum and correcting the language - with TRex, ignoring the tantrum is the only way to deal with it; talking to her during it only winds her up more. Talking to her after might, but I doubt she would remember the next time she was feeling mad at us.

Date: 2009-06-15 04:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
hmm there have been very similar outbursts in this neck of the woods as well. 5 is SUCH an um...expressive(?)...age! Sammy has been known to "hate" us etc. I've decided that if my kids don't hate me at least once a week, I'm not doing my job as a parent and I'm becoming too much of a pushover! We do try and talk about how "hate" is a very strong word (at times very much removed from th tantrum so as to avoid the aforementioned "winding-up" effect), but with an age-limited vocabulary - further diminshed by the spazz-attack in progress, things get reduced to very elemental feelings. When he's older we'll deal with language - right now I think its more important that he knows who's in charge and that the "management" loves him even if he 's not too fond of us at the moment. (haven't we all had that random "I love you, I just don't like you all that much right now" moment?)

Date: 2009-06-15 04:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
then again, he's also had the presence of mind in the midst of a crying jag to tell me "Mama, you hurt my feelings!"

Date: 2009-06-15 12:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
We're making progress on that front, too. If she's un-tired enough to not lose it completely, she will more and more often say, "It made me sad because [reason]." Which is obviously very preferable. I'm back to using some of the "Happiest Toddler" techniques which never worked for us when she was younger, but she does seem to respond well to "I understand; you're feeling angry because..." (this weekend it would have been "I told you you had to put on your shoes to go in the [splinter-riddled] climber."


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