sarahmichelef

The scene: our living room. G (who is 5) and her mom K are about to leave after a couple hours' playdate that involved dressup (

master_mr , please let your lovely wife know that the mermaid costume from almost 2 years ago still fits TRex, more or less), playing with the dollhouse, and lots of running around in the sprinkler outside.

K: OK, it's time to go home now.
G: I don't like you! I'm going to push you away from me forEVER!*
K: If you're going to freak out, we're not going to be able to have another playdate.
G: I don't care! I don't like you! I'm going to run away from you!
K: Can you wait to freak out until we're in the car please?

Gratifying both because G clearly had a good time and because my kid is not the only one who freaks out at the drop of a hat. Hilarious because G's objections were registered using EXACTLY THE SAME TONE AND INFLECTION that TRex uses when she informs us "I'm going to throw you in the trash can!" and similar things.

As a followup to my previous post... a lot of the discussion on that post has been revolving around parents who don't. (Parent, that is.) This drives me about as far up a tree as the child-free folks who think that kids should be locked up in the house and never seen do. Allow me to give you two examples of women I know.

Mom #1. Mom #1 works at our gym/pool and has 3 daughters. The youngest of these girls is a year older than TRex - so almost 5 (or maybe she's already five - she will definitely be in kindergarten this fall). For the past TWO YEARS I have been seeing her girls running all over the pool (both indoor and outdoor), completely unsupervised. Yes, you read that right. She let her THREE YEAR OLD in the swimming pool unsupervised. Adn they are troublemakers - the older ones figure they own the joint. I have actually heard them say, "Oh, I don't have to follow the rules. My mom works here."

Mom #2. Also a member at our gym/pool, also has 3 kids - the middle one of whom has Down's Syndrome. Guess who else is allowed to run all over the place - yes, including the pool - without any supervision? Yup, you got that right. The six-year-old developmentally delayed kid. (The other two, too, but... well, I'm more concerned about what might happen to D.) There was a carnival at the gym several weeks ago and I saw him wander off several times while she was busy chatting up the rec. staff. (M took one look at her and started whistling "Mrs. Robinson" under his breath.) There was a period of about 45 minutes when he was in the bounce house and the staff could not get him to come out. He was just sitting there, ignoring/not understanding them. And where was mom? Nowhere to be found! At a previous carnival, it was pretty much the same thing, except he was sitting in the bounce house crying. Again, for like 30 to 45 minutes.

These are two of my biggest negative examples - I have many others. And heaven help me, I am counting on all of you to smack me if I am ever ANYWHERE NEAR THAT BAD when it comes to my child. Sometimes I feel like I'm hovering too much ... and then I remember the alternative.

There's dual responsibility here... Parents have a responsibility to teach their kids appropriate ways to behave in public, to supervise them and correct their behavior when necessary, and to choose appropriate places to take their child (the mall, big loud chain restaurants - there's a reason we only ever eat out at diners, Chili's, our fave wings joint, etc.) . Those who have chosen for whatever reason not to kids have a responsibility to accept that kids can't be locked up until the age of 18. If you don't want to deal with kids, be selective - frequent the movie theaters that marajade648 mentioned, do as kass_rants did and request to be seated in a quiet place (and hope that the hostess remembers that request when seating later parties).

As I was surfing the ol' blogosphere yesterday (like you do), I happened across a blog that can be best described as a child-free screed. (In fact, the author herself describes it as a blog of rants.) Except... this person has clearly never had any contact with an actual human being under the age of 10.

Some of the things that she wants from the parents she comes into contact with are reasonable. She wants parents bringing kids on planes to, you know, bring toys. And to do something to ease the ear pain of pressure changes like a drink, gum, a binky, a bottle, depending on the age of the kid. (Of course, she also advocates drugging them, which is just one step up from the woman who I once heard suggest that if they could put dogs in the cargo hold they should be able to do the same thing with children.) Ditto for when you know you're going to be a boring place with a kid - bring toys. (Um, duh?)

OK, so most of this I can get behind. But... she also wants kids to "suck it up and deal" when they don't get their way. And she wants them to do it without crying.

Riiiiiiiiight. Now, there are things you can do to mitigate the screaming when a kid doesn't get their way. You can distract them, you can use whatever self-calming techniques you have taught them. But I'm sorry, when you tell an overtired three year old that she has to brush her teeth/put away the iPod because the plane is landing/give another kid their toy back, there is going to be screaming.

Like I said... no contact with an actual human being under the age of 10.

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Entries tagged with issues: parenting

Gratifying AND hilarious:

Reality check on aisle 5!

Reality check on aisle 4!

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